Half Term

Today marked the end of the first half of what can only be described as a fairly average half term. It involved more tedious learning by the usual methods of note taking, dictation, the infamous "lecture style presentation" and occasionally the delights of the educational video.

I just want you all to know that I am not going to be updating this all the time, no doubt I will grow bored of all your charming company sooner or later, and you will realise that you really ought to be doing something more productive with your life rather than spending it on Facebook and a teenage blog about how boring life is. Unless however, you are a teenage boy, in which case your tabs will be Facebook and a pornography site, so I may add that your right hand does not count as grounds to change your relationship status to "it’s complicated".

Anyway, I find it hard to blog and maintain the facade of wit and sophisticated humour, because this isn't a two way thing. In the big wide, and frankly dull, world, my humour revolves around shredding people, and making witty remarks based on what others have said. For obvious reasons, or for those who are mentally retarded not so obvious, I can't do this on a blog, which contains basically my hands just whirring across the keyboard typing literally what comes into my head. The chances are I hate you. I probably detest everything you are, yet in the most hypocritical way possible I urge you to tell both of your friends about this blog for traffic here is always welcome, if not necessarily a wise way to spend your time.

This half term I am going to New York to watch the Giants play the Bills. American Football is one of my great passions, alongside cricket, and mentally torturing those less intellectually gifted than myself. I'm just going for the weekend, and staying in New Jersey, but even so I think it'll be a great weekend, certainly better than your weekend, which is likely going to be awful. Hold back the protestations that you are going out to get 'lashed and laid' because the chances are you're not, and even if you are, it'll probably be with someone who's taking sympathy on you or doing it for a dare. In the incredible instance that someone who reads my blog actually gets laid with a real life person, who actually wants to be having sex with you, then don't bother emailing me or commenting on this, because your sex life is currently sitting in my interests list just below Ed Milliband's plans for bringing forward long-term investment projects, and I can assure you that Ed Milliband could quite happily cease to exist without my noticing, or indeed caring.

Being the incredibly charming and talented boy that I am, I was talking to some females outside school today, and after I had concluded holding court, I went into my classroom to face another day of dreary learning (it involved two videos, going through a test which I cruised, reading Shakespeare whilst discussing the merits of showing the sex scene in a 12a film, a test and something else which had the mental stimulus of reading my Facebook friends statuses.). I was met by my form teacher, who I seriously question whether he is old enough to be teaching. Think a Thunderbird puppet, with Robert Pattinson's hair. He took great glee in prising out the information from me, under the charade that it was somehow going to benefit me if I told this man all. I love the guy, he only ever does what's right for us, the kids. Which when you think about it shouldn't be something which makes you like someone, because after all, I am paying him to do that, so I expect that he would do his job to a satisfactory level.

I was looking at the views of this blog, when I saw that I had some views from Bulgaria (thank you wherever you are Aleksandar). I turned round to inform my Dad of this, to which his reply was, "Well you'll soon have a poison tipped umbrella up your arse then son". It's glad to know that I'm being raised in an enlightened and stereotype free way.

Anyway, that is all from me for now you'll be glad to hear. Thanks for visiting, but I'm not joking this time, I wasn't last time, seriously, find something better to do.

Much love as always,

Chris

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