Before I introduce you all to the realities of a boring posh teenage life I must let you all get to know me first. I thought that I could be egotistical and write a bullshit description of myself saying how amazing I am, but then I thought that I would ask some of my mates, who will remain anonymous, to send me a description of me through their eyes. Please note that these haven't been touched or changed at all, so if the grammars shit then don't complain to me, because frankly I don't care. So below, here they are:
"If you didn't know Chris and saw him the street the thing that would come to mind was if you were a girl "CHGKVJLFSDHJBGSD HE'S HOT" and if you were a boy "What kind of twat wears a suit to school?". But as you get to know him, he's not so one sided. He may be arrogant, egotistical and posh, but he is sweet, thoughtfull and one hell of a witty boy."
"Chris is probably one of the most confident individuals that I have met. He possesses numerous qualities which not only set him aside on the cricket field, but off it as well. His sheer determination and will to succeed is evident and examplafied by the fact that he his always thinking about the game and it's situation. He is not afraid to voice his opinions and thoughts, which are valued by everyone in the team environment. He also has a witty sense of humour and everyone enjoys his company."
"Chris Beaumont-Dark is one of the most stereotypical “lads” you’ll ever meet, with an obsession of cricket and “banter” matched by few others. The difference, he is one of the “top lads”, one of the guys the other lads strive to be. He may dress like a faggot and be a posh, racist, Tory prick, but you’ve gotta admit it – the kids got massive balls. Always on hand to provide a great sickipedia joke, and with the ability to come out with some outrageously witty remarks, it’s hard not to have an opinion on the guy."
"Chris Beamount-Dark, a man who is never short of an opinion, a man who prides himself on outwitting anyone who comes before him. A man of many phrases, the classic "as many as" and the everpresent "are you crying ?". Has seen many a person crumble at his own hands. A man who deals in the six times table while at the crease with his ever fashionable GM equipment."
"With a 1960’s Beatles haircut, the left arm orthodox of a Dorridge 4th teamer, and the batting technique of Chris Martin, you might think there’s not much hope for this ill equipped youth. However, with the ability to out banter even those most intelligent 15 year old morons, making pulling a bird look as hard as pulling a train and the possession of a jacket that’s more suitable for David Lloyd George, Christopher Henry Bartholemew Beaumont Dark is amongst the finest posh boys in the country. With opinions ranging from why you should vote Toe-rag (torys) to whose the next best England keeper-batsmen, CHBBD makes compelling arguments for a number of irrelevant, unimportant and uninteresting topics. For those who think they can out knowledge and or banter him, this is the blog for you to try and fail on, although it is worth a go for the general bants. With his closest pals, David, Nick, George and Brosnan on hand to give support and advice you can be sure that this will be one for the ages. Up the wolves."
"At the same time the cleverest and stupidest person I know. I naturally get along with him, probably better than with most of my other friends. His comments are brilliant, he's lovely when he wants to be and I know he cares. He can be a twat but it's ok cos I know how to handle him now. He's a good guy underneath all the wit and we'll always have our connection."
"Chris Beaumont-Dark is, indisputably, the biggest twat I have ever met. His superiority complex, ego and lack of tact make him a complete and utter prick, but, despite this, he is a god of all banter, and a shining example to all those who wish to one day be a master of the teachings of 'LAD'. He will always have something outrageous to say and someone to ridicule. His outspoken political penchant will never cease to astound and appal, and for this, he is one of the most loved and respected lads, mainly for being such a cocky fucker."
So that's a quick introduction to me and who I am. I won't introduce you to my next few posts because I have no idea what they are going to be. Thanks for reading, but surely you have somethign better to be doing with your valuable time?
Chris
x
No comments:
Post a Comment